i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
