guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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