My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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