what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
