I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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