I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
