You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
