It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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