I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize