i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
