I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I think your dad took our porno
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize