At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
