man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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