I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Someone signed my nipple.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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