We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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