I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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