I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
