Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
