You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
