btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
