She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
i need some magic done to my vagina
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
