Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
