I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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