ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
