1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
