i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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