I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I intend to get homeless drunk
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
