Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
