I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
My balls are so social today.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
