Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
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