in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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