Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
