his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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