One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You dont lie about slip and slides
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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