My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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