she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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