ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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