you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Randomize
