what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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