You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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