Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
