He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
