But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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