we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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