I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
my shit smells like andre
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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