His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
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