I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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