i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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