he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize