OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
