I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
