I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
