We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
