He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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