Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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