Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
