There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
