Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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