It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
