Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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