I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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