All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
