Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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