you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize