2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
