I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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