All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
