Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
