was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
and you fell through a lawn chair
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
