maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
