I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
