You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
