no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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