Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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