if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
