I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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