I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
