I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize
