I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
