GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
