OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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