She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
