After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
