break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
false alarm, still single
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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