If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
