i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
