having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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