I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
