i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
