Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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