I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize