I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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