He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Randomize
