NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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