FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
