walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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