on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
His hands were made for my vagina.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize