Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
