I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
