He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
